Is the solution REALLY that easy?

John - thanks for reading my blog and commenting.  I haven't been here for a few months and I really do want to keep going with my thoughts.

A little background info...
I've been approved for Lap Band surgery once and Gastric bypass twice.  I won't go into those details other than a few small ones.   When I approached my Dr, she was very pro-active and supportive.  I love my Dr. When I went to the nutritionist the first time, I was so motivated by the classes that I took, that I decided I could do this on my own.  My body isn't broken.  It's my attitude towards food (No is not in my vocabulary) and well, I got lazy.  My own fault.  I made those choices.  So I didn't want to remove a part of my body that works perfectly well when I just need to break some VERY bad habits.  I didn't realize just how bad those habits had become and how hard they would be to break.  Well, I lost some weight.  But got frustrated and when I went back to the nutritionist again, I asked her for help in loosing weight on my own, helping me build new and better habits, re-training me, guiding me.  I was shocked to hear her tell me that she thought Gastric Bypass was the way to go and I should just do that, instead of trying to lose weight on my own.  What a blow.  A huge blow.  Here I was ready to do it and make changes (because I thought I would have help) and I don't blame her at all, but at the time, my feeling was, that in her comment, she thought it was totally out of the question that I could help myself, that I could lose that much weight on my own.  So another year went by.  I decided to give it a go again, this time, seriously, I was just going to do it no matter what.  Well, I completed all of the classes, followed through on my monthly weigh in's (All I had to do was prove that I could lose just a few pounds and I way bypassed what they asked for) and one morning on a weigh in, I joked about the weight I lost ( that I was surprised since I had a whole 24 ounces of coffee shortly before my weigh in) and she told me that I wasn't serious enough about losing weight (I lost 6lbs for that weigh in despite drinking a 24 oz coffee before seeing her) and that I was belittling myself and that it was going to set me back by a month because she has the power to say that I am "Not Ready" yet.  I left that office furious.  I was just commenting (I was so happy it was a 6lb loss, it could have been 9 if had waited to drink my coffee later, OR had the chance to visit the bathroom prior to weigh in!)  I was joking, playing around, happy, sighing a breath of relief that the scale moved down as much as it had and "I wasn't taking this seriously enough"  "My mind set wasn't ready yet"  Wow.

But I tend to quit - which is part of that story.  It's not the nutritionists fault.  It's mine.  I should have shown her that I was serious.  So I went on to lose some more weight on my own.  But I've been stuck at the same spot since.  Which is okay, it means I didn't gain any of it back.  But I could have lost more by now if I had really tried harder.

Last night, I went to a Memorial Day BBQ at my friend Julia's house.  She's been on the new WW for 4 weeks and has done amazing.  I used to like WW, but it was too easy to eat carbs all day for my points and get less food.  But now they've restructured and they focus more on heatlhy carbs (which I do fine with most of the time) and I like that there's a little bit more restriction there, than before.  So I've decided to go to WW tomorrow morning and give myself to the new plan.  She said it is so much easier than the old plan (the old plan was pretty easy)

Any way I look at it, I need to hold myself accountable in some sort of way.  It's not working on my own and right now, as much as I would like to have Gastric Bypass, I want to be able to change the way I think, they way I eat, why I eat like I do, how to control it.  My mind has to change.  My body isn't broken.  The habits I've formed are the problem.  I need help to break them.