The wagon

This proverbial wagon is a bitch.  I've fallen off more times in my life than I can even keep track of.  This past weekend is no exception.  I have a really hard time staying on my plan.  I really don't have a specific plan other than limiting my caloric intake and burning the calories.  Calories in and Calories out.  And watching portion sizes, which I really struggle with the most.

I know this is a lifestyle change.  I have a really hard time not reverting back to my old ways sometimes.  I will do great for a week or two, then have a weekend where I just can't seem to gain control.  It's like I've deprived myself of all of my usual favorites or eating out spots, that I go nuts and without even thinking about it, I just have blinders on and I can't see anything except what is in front of me and it's all I can do to get to THAT food.  I turn my brain off and I don't even think.  Nothing matters except getting it.  I decided a while back that I won't tell myself that something is off limits.  It makes you want it all that much more!  But moderation.  Take ONE serving and be done with it.  Fill up on veggies, salad, soups, i love all of those.  But for some reason I take one bit and it's everything about that bite, taste, texture, all of it and I want more and more and just can't seem to stop.  I have realized that I need to take my bite or my portion size, eat it, enjoy it, slowly (maybe with a baby spoon?) but then I have to find something else to do, immediately following or I will tempt myself to another piece or two or five.  So I usually plan what my escape route will be first, before I take that bite.  So as soon as I take my bite, I leave, go somewhere else and do what I had planned to do.  Usually when I do that, I come back, I'm satisfied, I'm not tempted to take more.  I have even found I can stare that food down when I come back in, say, from my walk to avoid temptation, and not want any more of it for now, because I had a piece already and walking took my mind off of it and by the time I got back, the hunger or the deep desire to stuff myself mindlessly has passed.  I'm satisfied.  I don't need more.

Anyway, I did fall off of that wagon.  But at least I realized I fell and I'm capable of getting back up again.  I'll get there.  I know I will.  I just have to realize I built years worth of bad habits and it might take me a while to break each and every one of those habits down and build new, healthy ones, in it's place.

Do I take my mile back?

My intention was to hit the gym this morning.  I was all ready to go.  But instead, on the way out the door to get the big boys to school, I grabbed my camera (Mistake number one) and once the kids were on the bus, the little one and I headed down to the river, which was super swollen and flooded.  So that led to picture taking and running around for a while.  I didn't go to the gym.

Mistake #2 was not eating enough for breakfast, I only had one packet of oatmeal and then had a 24 ounce coffee.  Too much caffeine and not enough food in my belly to keep me from getting jittery and sick.  So my blood sugar crashes and well, Little Man and I had a lunch date.  To a place I probably shouldn't have gone to.  But I did have salad, with cucumbers, spinach, lettuce and cucumbers and the tiniest little bit of dressing.  I will only list the healthy thing I had.  The rest of my meal will go on my Fit Day account, which is private.  :o)

But I have the rest of the day to do things right.  The boys come home from school soon, it's not raining out and we've got a basketball hoop just calling for us to play with it when they get home!  And I can make a dinner that my kids will be sure to complain about, but one that will more than make up for my slip up for lunch.

Have a great day!

Pain

My workout yesterday left my ankle's and shins pretty sore.  Which is not bad, really.  It's the kind of pain you are grateful for.  To me, it means that I chose to do something for myself that was good and rewarding.  That I can do these things and the my body is responding correctly to the work out.  The only problem is, I have a lot of pain in my right heel.  Painful pain!  Pain so bad that as the day wore on yesterday, I could barely walk.  I've had heel spurs before and it kind of feels like that.  But I can't imagine I developed a heel spur in 40 minutes of walking on the treadmill or the short time I was in the Zumba Class.  When I got up this morning, it hurt so bad to walk.  Though, once i got to walking on it for about 10 minutes, it got better.  

So I've come to the conclusion that I must be a heavy walker and put a lot of emphasis on coming down on the heel when I walk.  I need to be more conscious of how I walk.  That may sound dumb.  But I think I bang my heel down hard, especially when i walk fast.  So I'm going to try to pay attention to this and see how I can fix it.  I know for sure that I am off to the store to buy some gel heel inserts for my wonderful shoes (which are KSwiss Tubes - which I LOVE!)

I've done well eating today.  But I had THE worst Lean Cuisine meal for lunch and I'm not picky.  It was the Chicken Pesto.  The actual chicken was juicy and good, but the pasta was gummy and flavorless (since it was marinating in the pesto, I can't imagine why it hadn't soaked up any flavor) and the vegi mix was very blah - It really had no taste.  Which is weird, because I love the taste of broccoli, but the broccoli smell was there, just not the taste and the carrots were pretty carrotless tasting as well.  It came with Cherry Cobbler, but I didn't even bother with it.  So I'm going to go make myself a small salad now (with greek yogurt, with a little bit of a dry ranch packet in my spoonful of yogurt for my dressing)

Have a great day!

Zumba!!

My friend Becky invited me to join her for Zumba class at the gym she goes to (Gold's - my membership is at the YMCA) and I decided to take her up on her invitation.  I had never taken a Zumba class before.  It's a high energy, intense latin dance style class.  I had intended to go, a lot of times before.

Now, I had imagined getting winded into the first 20 minutes of the class.  Since I'm so out of shape, my stamina is definitely not good.  I tried to keep up - I really hated seeing myself look ridiculous in those mirrors ALL OVER THE ROOM!  So I just tried really hard not to look in the mirrors and see how silly I looked.  I am seriously THE most uncoordinated woman in the world.  I'm sure of it.  Despite how silly I must have looked (Remember, I decided I wasn't going to look in the mirror), I had a hard time keeping up with the actual dance moves.  I learned quickly that I can't move my arms and legs rhythmically in different directions at the same time.  It was crazy.  You know, like rubbing your belly in one direction and rubbing the top of your head in the opposite direction... ?   That was me, in this class.  The thing I noticed was that I could still breath, wasn't out of breath yet (but close) that my ankles were absolutely killing me.  Who would have thought?!  So I took the moment to dodge out of class to the water cooler just outside of the classroom door.  As I sucked down the water, I realized that I used that water cooler as an excuse to stop and take a break.  Threw the cup away and joined back in.  For 4 minutes.  Yep.  My ankles were killing me.  So I dodged back out of there with the excuse that I had to go to the bathroom.  On the long walk of shame to the bathroom (I really did have to go) I was mad at myself for not sticking it out.  Um, I made it 10 minutes I think, definitely no longer than 15 minutes OF THE HOUR LONG CLASS!  I was feeling bad about it.  Discouraged.  But then I realized something.  We all have to start somewhere.   You can expect to jump off a boat in the middle of the lake if you can't swim.  So, you learn to swim and build yourself up, then you jump off of the boat and swim to shore.  I realized that I was jumping in too soon, for me.  So, instead of giving up, I headed over to the treadmill.  I had 40 minutes left before the class was out.  I haven't worked out in a while and I need to warm up.  Strengthen myself, my lungs, MY ANKLES!  Everyone has to start somewhere.  So this is where I started.  In that 40 minutes I did 2 miles.  I'm kind of embarrassed to admit that it took me 40 minutes to do those two miles (I think their mile / timer counters weren't synced correctly (heeeheee)  I admit I was only going 3.2.

While I was walking, I started thinking, all I have to do is one mile.  I just need to get to one mile.  One mile was my goal.  When I got to one mile, I was feeling so good, I kept going.  One more mile.  Just one more.  One Mile.

Getting to mile one was my goal.  I got to mile two instead.  One mile at a time.  It's not a big accomplishment by all means, but it is for me.  I didn't quit.  Instead, i decided I would prepare myself for Zumba.  I'm going to be ready for that class.  And I will finish the whole thing.

One mile at a time.

Mile One

Everyone has to start somewhere right?  Can't tell you how many times I've started and stopped, started again only to give up one more time.  I want to lose weight.  In the past, I think I've said "I NEED to lose weight" and maybe that wasn't the right approach.  My mind has finally swung around to seeing that I WANT to lose weight.  The last few weeks, I've been making some small changes, like actually eating breakfast instead of just drinking my coffee and downing a donut when I grab my coffee.  Instead, I eat a healthy breakfast, one that I like, I might add... you can eat what you want.  In moderation.  So, when I'm done eating and get my boys off to school, I hit 7-11 everyday for my coffee & donut or some other bad choice I feel like making that day.  Nacho's have been on that list, oh yeah, and sometimes 1/4 big bites.  I have some pretty strong cravings and I honestly never told myself NO.  But this one morning, when I ate my breakfast and went to get my coffee, I stopped at the donut bar.  It was habit.  As I stood there with the door open and the smell of those fresh donuts pouring out at me, I made the conscious decision to close that door and walk away from it.  I CHOSE TO WALK AWAY FROM IT!  Me.  I did.  I did it.  And it wasn't as hard as I thought it was.  But I sure was proud of such a small victory.  I haven't had a donut since, nor any other item at 7-11 except for coffee.  And I'm even changing my coffee up too.  I'm also thinking that I don't really need coffee - yeah, sure, it hurts to quit, really!  Headache hell!  But I've lived without coffee for years and then started getting it mornings when my first son went off to kindergarten.  You know why?  I think the people in 7-11 are fun to be around.  Not just the people who work there, but the people that come in there and shop and get coffee.  You go in at the same time daily and you see the same people.  Before you know it, you're standing around the coffee pots talking, laughing, it turns into a daily little party.  I quit coffee for two weeks a few months back.  I missed my friends, I missed my morning ritual.  So I realized it really wasn't the coffee, I just wanted to check in daily with my coffee buddies.  So I've made small changes to my coffee.  using more decaf than regular now, cut down on the creamer and I have always used splenda, so at least I can keep that!

So, because I make breakfast a priority, it's honestly easier to chose a healthy lunch.  And so that I'm not tempted to go out for lunch, where I eat FAR too much and I need to learn portion control, I bought the Smart Ones from Weight Watchers and some canned green beans (I know, fresh is better) but in a quick pinch, this is ready for me when I am hungriest in a fast way.  I love Green beans. So good compromise .  Spray a little "I can't believe it's not butter" spray over the top and makes it taste like I put real butter on it.

I still have trouble with dinner though.  But I think I've figured out what I need to do about that.  I eat lunch, then have dinner later.  I'm missing a snack in between those meals.  So today, I'm going to add that snack about 3 o clock.  Then see how well my dinner choices go.  I think it will go well!

I went to Zumba class today.  Another small changed added in.  But I will save that for the next post.  :o)